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Traffic Stop While I was driving down the A19 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked: 'Runway too short?' To which I replied, 'I'm late for work'. To which he asked, 'What do you do?' 'I'm a rectum stretcher', I responded. The copper was surprised and confused 'A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?' 'Well' I said, ' I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I get my other hand in, and then I slowly start to stretch the hole, until it's about six feet.' Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, 'And just what do you do with a six foot asshole?' To which I politely replied,' You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge.....' Speeding ticket: $105.00 Court costs: $45 Look on copper's face: Priceless 
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